NO EXCUSE

I am deviating from my normal blog entry to write totally about myself, please "bare" with me!!

Well I am going to let you in on a little secret, I had a minor medical procedure done yesterday, it was a colonoscopy. Doesn't the sound of this word make you want to squeeze your butt cheeks together? Well it sure did me. I was suppose to have this done six years ago but kept putting it off. The mere thought of what was involved made me shudder. I know everyone kept telling me it wasn't bad.
But the pictures in my mind told me otherwise:

Naked with my butt in the air for all the world to see and probably laugh at. What if they let other people in to see me? Worse yet what if they used me to train future gastroenterologists while I was sleeping? Well not happening, I definitely wasn't ever going to do that.

It was bad enough having to get a pelvic exam only to be told everything was okay. So why put myself through unnecessary tests when I felt fine?

A few months ago I made an appointment to see my primary care doctor for some blood work and joint aches. He thought hell had frozen over since I hadn't been to see him in 6 years. Then was concerned because I was there. I told him I was fine, I'm always fine. I really don't have the time to be sick so why see him if I wasn't. I get my flu shots at the pharmacy and weather through the rest. That's when he scolded me like a small child for not getting my colonoscopy 6 years before. With a history of colon cancer in my family he told me I was playing "Russian Roulette". Even without a history I was still in the game. So I promised to make the appointment and he promised to hunt me down if I didn't keep it.

This takes me to Monday morning. My appointment was scheduled for Tuesday at 11:15 A.M.
My breakfast that morning was coffee no cream,tea, hard candy, pop, broth, Kool-Aid, sports drink or any other liquids that was not red, purple or pink. Yum is all I can say.

My lunch that day was the same.

At 3:00 P.M. I was to take two stool softeners with water, no big deal. At 5:00 P.M. I was to mix an entire bottle of Miralax powder (which doesn't effect the taste) to a 64 ounce bottle of  Gatorade.
 My kids thought I was the luckiest person in the whole world because I get to drink that great big bottle of blue Gatorade all by myself. Yes I would have been the luckiest person if I happened to like Gatorade, which wasn't the case.
So I choked down the first bottle and spent the rest of the evening on a fast trot to the bathroom, and being thoroughly impressed that my stomach wasn't really as fat as I thought it was.

Tuesday morning at 5:30 I had to drink yet another doctored up 64 ounce Gatorade and have it gone by 7. Well I managed all but about 10 ounces which just flabbergasted my kids who then reminded me I was wasting perfectly good Gatorade. Which prompted me to offer it to them with a warning of urinating from the rectum shortly after consumption. And surprisingly no takers!!

Upon arriving at the clinic I was taken to the prep area and given a large beautiful open back nightgown of heavy gage cotton and a paisley print. This is when my blood pressure went up and my heart began to race. Why had I agreed to do this? I am going to be in the most embarrassing situation of my life.
After a little bit of a wait I was taken down the hall. Just before entering the procedure room the nurse anesthetist asked a few questions then looked at me with concern and said, "You have cirrhosis of the liver"? Chuckling I said, "The girl who asked all the questions about my history is new, no I don't have cirrhosis I have psoriasis, she just spelled it wrong". With a sigh of relief she shoved me through the door.

Well here I go to land of embarrassment.

I was hooked up to a heart monitor, a pulse ox and blood pressure cuff. Okay here it goes, they are going to pull back the gown and expose me for everyone to see and probably laugh.
Well it didn't go quite that way.

I was asked to lie on my side while the nurse monitored my modesty to the utmost respect, making sure I was completely covered and comfortable. The doctor spoke to me remembering my face as he put it from years earlier when I would take my friend to her appointments with him. He promised to take good care of me and the next thing thing I remember was waking up. I was done, I still had my dignity and no one was pointing and laughing at me. I can't believe I put this off for so many years putting myself and my health at risk. It was easier than getting my tooth filled. After a bit the doctor came to talk to Steve and I and assured us I was, "As beautiful on the inside as I was on the out".

I guess what I want to say is this was the easiest test I ever took. Minus of course the Gatorade, which for some people won't be a problem. I seriously can't believe I worked myself up so bad that it took me 6 years to have this done. If you're of that age and are contemplating whether or not it is worth the embarrassment (as I thought) just do it. I could not have done it and maybe somewhere down the line when I decided it was time I could have been to late given my family history.

So go for it, I just can't believe I thought my butt was so much different than every other person who had this done!!