Where to start, at the beginning I guess

I guess an explanation is in order regarding my title. All my life I wanted to be at the top of something. As a small child it was the "hill" when we played "king of the hill" in the field behind our house. When I was a young girl, it was the top of someones "best friend" list. As I hit the high school years, it was the top of the "best dressed, all the boys thought you were pretty, have a choice on who to go to the dances with" list. So I am proud to say that after 52 years of waiting, I am finally on "TOP". Mind you it wasn't my first choice. Not one I had ever expected or even hoped for, it kind of fell at my feet, if you know what I mean. And to be truthful with you, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I should tell you a little about my life on the top and how I got here.

In the summer of 1977 I met a guy, let's call him Steve. To make a long story short.....he let me be on top, I was the first name on his best friend list and he thought I was the best dressed prettiest girl he ever met and he took me dancing. We fell in love, argued over the number of children we were to have, I said none, he said 4, I said 1, he said 3, I countered with 2, we agreed. He ask me to marry him, I said yes, we got married June 30, 1979.

On December 11, 1980 after 32 hours of labor without an epidural and a salad tong delivery, I gave birth to an 8#3oz baby boy we named Erik. For the next 4 months I swore I would never give birth again. It was too damn painful and my tail bone was cracked in the process.

By the 5th month I was pregnant again. On March 2, 1982 Nici was born after 4 hours of labor. WOW, this time it easy, heck I thought I could spit out a few more. And besides I kind of liked the little buggers. So..... on December 9, 1983, Heidi was born 2 weeks after my due date and 2 labor pains.

We decided 3 was the magic number. We have the perfect life. A 3 bedroom house in a child friendly neighborhood with our 3 kids, life was great.

They went to school and I was there volunteering, doing all the homeroom mom stuff, making sure no one picked on my babies.

Then the time came, the school needed a volunteer to do lice checks on the kids. Being a hairdresser by trade, I raised my hand. I became a permanent fixture in the elementary school. For the next 5 years I was known as The Lice Lady.

Starting the climb

Although meant to be endearing, The Lice Lady was not something I wanted to be remembered by. So the time came for me to let the kids go to school alone and I needed to find something to fill my "empty nest syndrome".

It was brought to my attention that the probate court needed volunteers to work with children in the foster care system. I had no idea what the foster system really was. I could not fathom any one ever beating or neglecting a child, worst yet what was so sexually appealing about a 5 year old? I was educated very fast.

For the next 8 weeks I attended classes on how to speak with children who had been placed in foster care, how to answer questions in court and how NOT to get too attached. One of the first things they tell you is you do not want to be a foster parent. It is an ungrateful, overwhelming, time consuming chaotic mess. Chaotic, did he just say chaotic? I happen to thrive in chaos, my life was chaos, heck it was perfectly chaotic. I have never been on time for anything in my life. I had the dreaded sock basket and if I threw my dirty jeans in the dryer with a bounce sheet they looked clean again! Last minute Lisa is what my husband {who's always 30 minutes early for everything} called me. May be something to look into in the future.

After a while I was given a case of a toddler named Michael. At the age of 2, he was already a veteran of the system, being placed at 5 months. Mom was a drug addicted stripper and dad wasn't far behind. So off I went to meet him and his foster parents.

It's All His Fault

Less than a mile from my home, on a road I traveled frequently, lived my 2nd son. I didn't know it at the time, but he would start the ball rolling.
I knocked on the door and was greeted by an older woman with a toddler hanging on her leg. I introduced myself as the CASA volunteer and was waved into the living room. There on the floor was about 25 matchbox cars. All lined up according to color in a very straight line. Pretty good for a 2 year old. I sat to talk to the foster mom, she said this was his morning ritual. The day couldn't start unless the cars were in a line. The more I watched Michael the more I wanted to take him home. Now mind you, I didn't think about adopting him, I just wanted to take him shopping. Not because he needed more cars, but because of what he was wearing. Here was this cute little boy with his hair slicked down with brylcream, polyester pant with suspenders, a long sleeved button down shirt and a pair of old man velcro shoes, in the middle of the summer. Made me want to puke. By the time I left I knew DHS was going to terminate parental rights and they needed to find an adoptive home. So I went home and told Steve I wanted to adopt Michael. He said, "O.K." and it was that easy.  I went to the court house, gave back the case, contacted DHS to start foster classes and on November 9,1993 Michael was officially our 2nd son. Now when you get licensed to be a foster parent the worker checks your home and writes down the number of children you are allowed to foster, due to bedroom size. Ours was 3, yes 3 the magic number. Little did we know in less than 4 months we would go from 3 to 6 six kids.

Just a Little step

The first thing I did was buy Michael some little boy clothes. Jeans, t-shirts and a pair of Nike tennis shoes. Used grease relief on his hair, let it grow a little and wah-lah, a normal looking 2 year old. Still quirky, but he looked just fine. He discovered a new interest other than lining up cars. The weather channel. He would sit and watch it all day if we let him. We thought it was cute that he knew all about cumulus clouds and tornado's. He was fascinated with thunder storms and lightening. We thought for sure we had a little weatherman in the making. Then one day he quit watching and became obsessed with dinosaurs. After he learned every dinosaur name he immediately became enthralled with the Titanic. Little did we know our new sons obsessions would later, much later, {about 10 years} be diagnosed as aspergers syndrome, a high functioning form of autism. I had never heard of aspberger syndrome. Stupid me, I thought all kids with autism were head banging, non-verbal, drooling, screaming, finger wringing kid that needed to be in a care facility. That couldn't have been farther from the truth. I educated myself on aspergers, got help from the school and he graduated with honors.But I am getting way ahead of myself. And this my friends was the 1st addition to my laundry pile. Just a small addition, maybe an extra load a week, but none the less my first step up.

Taking Two

Less than 4 months later a friend of mine Nancy W. who was social worker with DHS asked if we could take a couple of sister. They were already in a foster home but the family decided they wanted the girls moved. So we said yes, heck when you have 4 what's 2 more. Evidently I wasn't thinking too clearly on that day. Six kids in a 900 square foot house, I must of hit my head on the washer door. So on March 15,1994 two little blond girls walked into our lives. Keeley and Logan were their names and Keeley was a force to be reckoned with. As she came into the house, the first words she said were, "You can't hit me, my mom said and I'm gonna tell". I thought to myself, no wonder the other family wanted them to leave. Man what a brat, what the hell did I get myself into? But the only hitting we soon learned was by Keeley. Slapping, punching and kicking if you got in her way. That was until she went up to Heidi and decided a punch in the stomach was in order. Heidi being the original baby and feeling like her life was being invaded by all these brats as she put it, let go with a punch of her own. That, for some reason caused Keeley to calm down. Her anger subsided a little and life went on. And my pile was getting higher, 2 steps closer toward the top.
But now we needed to look for a larger house. Our perfect little started home was getting smaller by the child. So we listed our home and the search was on.

The Hunt is on

Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a 900 square foot house clean with 6 kids. Evidently I didn't, because my idea of a clean house and the Realtors was totally different. I thought a path between the toys and the jelly wiped off the chairs was pretty good. He on the other hand wanted all the "clutter" removed. He even went so far as to tell me the laundry room would look nicer if I put the dirty stuff in baskets. Well I had a system down there. The clothes that really need to get washed soon, like underwear, socks and jeans were closest to the washer. The other stuff got chucked off to the side until I had time, or until someone complained they would have to go naked. The idea of my husband welding naked at work gave me shivers. To think of all the burn ointment we would have to buy got me motivated, after all we were going to move. I could use that money for new curtains and stuff.
So what seemed like an eternity, but in actuality was only 2 months, we sold our home. The purchaser was a realtor in the same office as our listing agent and wanted the house in 30 days. Great, we hadn't found anything we were remotely interested in and hot pants wanted us out. The buyer was having an affair with our agent and he was our neighbor, she couldn't get us out fast enough.
We knew what we needed and wanted our new home to have. At least 4 bedroom, 2 bathrooms, garage, pool and a fenced in yard, anything else was a bonus. So the hunt was on and we saw some dumps. Some peoples idea of a half bath was a toilet in the corner of a basement with a piece of plywood separating it from the rest of the room. Ah no not for me.
One day I was driving through a neighborhood I like as a teen. I saw a house for sale by owner. I called my agent and told him I wanted to see that one. A few hours later he called and told me to come right over, he was there and the home was just what we were looking for.
OMG, it was a mansion, 2100 square feet. Not only did it have 4 bedrooms but it had 3, yes I said 3 bathrooms, an in ground pool, garage and a big fenced in backyard. But the most important thing, it has first floor laundry, right there in the hallway. Not much floor space to speak of, my laundry system would need a little tweaking. So I did what every good wife would do in a situation like this. I signed a purchase agreement, gave the sellers a deposit and then I called my husband at work and told him. It went something like this: Hello Honey, guess what I just did? He said,"I'm afraid to ask". So I said with excitement, "I just bought a house". And his reply, plain and simple, "Oh shit". So I went on to tell him all about it. It has a master bathroom, can you believe it, no more running down the hallway naked in the middle of the night. Well, that sold him, so we moved.

Oh What The Heck

So life in our new home began. Our licensing worker from DHS came out to check the house, make sure it was safe and unbeknown to us thought it would hold a few more kids. Within a few weeks the phone started ringing. We got calls for children all the time. Some stayed longer than others, an emergency placement for the week-end, a few day till relatives could get into town, a week until they could make sure the dad is really the dad, stuff like that. In September of 1994 we received a call from a foster care worker wanting to know if we had room for 2 sisters ages 7 and 9. It would only be for a few months until an arrangement could be made to get the girls to their uncle in North Carolina. Sure that would be fine, a couple more kids for Christmas this year would be fun. Bring em on over. Well first we would have to meet them. The supervisor wanted us to be sure because the girls were bi-racial. Well I was a mom and they were kids, I was sure, what more did they want.
So the next day Anita from DHS came over with just one of he girls, a beautiful 9 year old named Nicole. When I asked about the other, Anita said she was having an x-ray on her leg. She had a bone infection and they wanted to start her on antibiotic. Nicole was fascinated with all the kids and after trip around the block with Heidi told Anita to just get her sister she wanted to stay. It wasn't quite that fast, a few days later she brought both the girls. On September 27, 1994, the girls came to stay. As I looked out the door the 2 girls were all smiles coming up the walk. But the little one, Courtney had a big white brace on her leg. Anita told me Courtney had an appointment with the orthopedic doctor the next day. She gave me the info and the girls went about getting settled. And I of course, had to figure out yet a new system for the laundry, from 3 to 8 kids in less than a year. Bunk washers and dryers would have been great. So I took another 2 steps up the pile! But when you have so many girls it is actually more, cause girl do the put on, take off, throw on the floor clothing changes. So I wash more clean clothes than dirty.

Only A Foster Mom

The next morning after getting the kids on the buses, Courtney and I headed to the doctors appointment. While sitting in the waiting area, a rotund, big mouthed woman came and plopped her fat ass right next to me. That's my baby she said, pointing to Courtney." Excuse me", I replied, I had no idea who this crazy woman was, or the mumbling old man she had with her. I'm her Aunt, and I have custody, the other foster mother called me and told me she would be here and that she has cancer and when she dies I want contributions to go to Mt. Olive Church. Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. First of all, it was my understanding that it was a bone infection, and who in the hell did this woman think she was, to say say such a thing in front of this child. So I scooped Courtney up and went to the other side of the waiting area, while this nut bag continued to yell at me. That lasted only a few minutes, then she said the wrong thing. I am her mama, you are only a foster mom. Only she said, only a "foster mom". That made me very mad, actually it pissed me right off. You see I haven't been  good at a lot of things in my life, but being a mom was something I took pride in. It was to me, the most important thing and the only thing I was really good at. And as far as the word "foster", it was only a word. The mom that came after it was the important part. So for this poor excuse for a human to say such a thing. So I yelled back, "Guess you should have thought about how good of a mama you were before you beat the hell out of the girls". With that said, a very large man walked up to me and asked if I would like that woman to leave. Before the word yes came out of my mouth 3 more people got up to help escort the babbling idiot out the door. Never under estimate the kindness of strangers.

When we were called back to see the doctor, he took me outside the exam room to show me the x-ray. Pointing to an area just above the knee, he said see the onion peel effect on the bone. Which I did. Well, that's a tumor, a very large tumor. A very large cancerous tumor. He said some more doctor stuff, but what I heard was,wheelchair, biopsy, oncologist, chemo, radiation, port, possible amputation. My head was spinning, little kids don't get cancer, old people do, right. I'm sure he was mistaken and a biopsy would tell us that. So they scheduled a biopsy and I had to call Anita.

"Oh my Lord Jesus", she said, We can have the girls moved. Moved, why move them, I thought. I know this is a lot to handle and you have a lot of kids, so we can find another placement. It will be a lot of work for any one and besides you don't give your kids away because they're sick. No, they are fine right where they're at. So we were in for the long haul. They wouldn't be moving any time soon.  

She Has Rhabdo what?

I am not going to drag out all the medical torture that this child had to endure, but I will tell you the important thing. The biopsy came back as rhabdomyosarcoma, it was a form of muscle cancer. Only hers started in the bone. Only 9 documented cases and no survivors. They had informed me if her leg broke at the tumor site, she would need an amputation because the cancer would spread and it did. But they never told me. I found out when I took her to see a radiation specialist. That's when they gave her 6 month max and cut off her leg. But the jerk that did the surgery didn't have clean margins, he left just a few cancer cells, they could be radiated out. Yeah right, it came back, fast. So I fired them. I needed to find a doctor a little more optimistic. So I went to see Dr. Paul Derderian, a very smart man who was an angel in disguise and Courtney would be his 1st pediatric cancer patient. He sent us to see an orthopedic oncologist, Dr. Irwin, he was straight and to the point. The remaining part of her leg, which was about 6 inches of thigh, had to be removed at the hip socket. So it was, they got clean margins and she did pretty good, that is until the pain came back, this time in her butt. After more test, which included sticking a very long needle into her butt cheek all the way to her pelvic bone unsedated. It was determined she needed a hemi-pelvectomy. This required removing 1/2 her pubic bone, hip and ishcium (butt bone). So they did.
 I know I compress a very long year into a very short paragraph, but this was time in my life that I really questioned myself. I had to be at the hospital so much that I was so afraid my kids at home were feeling very neglected. And to make matters worse, I was sure Courtney hated me, After all here she was this little girl with a sore leg. She came to live with us and right away I let people stick needles into her, give her medicine that made her sick, her hair fell out and the worst of all I let them cut her leg off. How's does one little child comprehend, I did what I did because I loved her.  And you know the whole time she went through everything, she always smiled. The same smile she had on her face the first day she came here.
After all the treatments were done, the uncle decided it was best for the girls to stay right here with us. So along with Keeley and Logan, the adoption of Nicole and Courtney were in the works.

It's all in the name

So when you give birth to a child, the first thing you do is give it a name.Being adopted means you can change the names if you want. So because that the girls were older, we let them decide if they wanted to change theirs. Logan wanted to change her name to Jessca, not Jessica, Jessca. But I really liked the name Logan, so we changed her middle name, she was to be Logan Jessica. Keeley asked me,"If you had me, what would you have named me"? Oh, that was easy, if Erik had been a girl he would have been Shannon Michelle. I thought the name fit for a blue eyed, blond haired girl. Instead he was my blue eyed, blond haired boy. So Keeley was Shannon Michelle. Nicole had to change her name, we already had a Nicole Hanson, so she gave me a list of names she liked and asked me to pick my favorite. And Lyndsay it was, Lyndsay Nicole. Now Courtney was a little different, she wanted Whitney, after Whitney Houston. But she just didn't look like a Whitney to me. We pondered on names and I heard the name McKayla, she looked like a McKayla. The middle name was easy, it was after her angel, Dr. Paul Derderian. She would be known as McKayla Paul. You know if we were the Duggar, that TLC family with 19 kids, it would have a lot easier. Just pick your favorite letter out of the alphabet and think of name that starts with it for all your kids. I think that's kinda boring, in fact if they ever have anymore kids, I think they should be a little daring. I am gonna send my suggestions to them, Juicy for a girl or Junky for a boy. Juicy Duggar, now that has a ring to it.
So, they all were here to stay forever. Which meant I had to come up with a permanent solution for the laundry. No more only doing the socks, underwear and jeans, I had to do it all. Oh I prayed so hard for a sky light in the laundry room, just so I could see the light of day. Then we decided I could have the new large capacity front loaders, yippee. We would take the older set to the basement, add the new set up stairs and I could do double duty. Oh yeah.

Eight is enough

By the summer of 1995 it had calmed down a lot. The trips to the hospital were in the past and the trips to the prosthetics office were frequent. Trying to fit Mac with yet another leg. But life went on. The kids played, swam and just had a great summer. According to the State of Michigan foster care guidelines, a foster home could have no more than 8 children under the age of 17. So we couldn't take anymore kids for a while. No problem, I had enough on my plate, or so I thought.
Erik played hockey for the high school team. One day around the first part of August we got a call from a coordinator who finds host families for foreign exchange students. He wanted to know if we would be interested in hosting a 17 year old boy from Sweden. He was a hockey player, a goalie. We talked it over, asked the kids what they thought. Everyone agreed. So mid August Martin came to spend the school year with us. What a nice boy with a great sense of humor, and one heck of a hockey player. It was a great experience for not only Martin but all the kids as well. The year went great and in the summer of 96 his parents came over to meet us and take their boy back home. We were sad to see him go, but we had a friend for life.
Around that same time our adoptions for all the girls were in the final stages. Shannon and Logan's would be right after the first of the year and Lyndsay and McKayla's would follow a few months later. All of our children were under 17 so we were done. To us 8 was enough. So I got my laundry in order, well kinda. I decided the older kids could do their own downstairs. Ha, you thought I told them they really had to do it.  So I did get a lot of exercise running up and down the stairs. I tried really hard to keep the pile low, but with 8 kids, it was impossible.

From Poland with Love

As soon as all the girls adoptions were finalized, DHS closed our license. We were happy, we had 8 beautiful children, we loved our new house. But it too became small, so that spring we decided to add a large family room  onto the house, as well as a hair room for me. That was a large undertaking, but we all survived, now we had more room to spread out (as the 3 stooges put it).
In July of 1997 we received another call from the foreign exchange student coordinator. How would we like a lovely girl from Poland to spend the upcoming school year with us. So, family vote, she won, and Gabby came in August. The poor girl, I don't think she really knew what she had gotten herself into. They told her we had 8 children, but the reality didn't set in until she saw them all together. Coming from a family of professional parents and only 1 sister, I think she had wished she had bought an open ended ticket back to Poland. Mind you all the kids were great, but they could try the patients of a saint. The adjustment period took a little longer than we or she had expected. I don't think she really liked us at first.
One morning I answered the phone to hear a sobbing girl in broken english trying to tell me something. I made out, stinky rock, Polish girl and I hate that fucker. So off to the high school I went. Poor Gabby stood crying in hall. Eventually I found out what had upset her so bad. She was in geology class and they were studying a certain  rock. The teacher had tried to make a joke. The rock had a bad odor and he said it smelled like a Polish exchange student. So being me, I had to shame that teacher. How dare he say something so nasty, he needed to apologize immediately and it better not ever happen again. I surprised her, she came around after that. I think that is the moment she knew we had her back.
This year happened to be the year Erik turned 17. With all the kids in school, I was kind of bored. So the day after his birthday, I called our licensing worker. Maybe we could do some short term foster care. Nothing permanent, just some emergency placements, or something. So they reinstated our licence.

It's a Boy

With our license back we started getting calls again. Short term emergency placements. The revolving door at our home was once again open. At the end of March I read a blurb about a 2 month old baby in our local paper. He was in the hospital with very questionable injuries. Seemed to be a case of severe child abuse. I just couldn't get that awful thought out of my head. What kind of monster hurt a baby, the thought made my stomach flip. Well I did have an opening and I had never had an infant placed with us. So I called our worker. I wanted that baby. So he put me in touch with the protective service worker, her name was Nancy H. Are you sure she asked, these injuries are severe? He will probably have some major deficits. Yeah I was sure, but now I had to convince Steve. So later that day I asked,"Don't you want a baby"? Sure, get in the bedroom so we can practice. Well that wasn't exactly what I had in mind. No, a foster baby? "Um, no I think we have enough", was his reply. So I went on to tell him about this poor baby who was beaten so bad. Please, I wanted this baby. In his word,"He will probably be all garfed up, are you willing to risk that"? Yep was all I said. So he told me to go see him, make sure I could handle it. Well I couldn't get to the hospital fast enough. On the way I stopped to pick my mom up. She was a little more level headed than I was. What if he's severely brain damaged, what if he never walks or talks, are you willing to spend the rest of your life taking care of this baby, because you know he won't be a baby forever? I never thought about it that way, but yes I was, no matter what.
From the moment I saw this broken little guy, I knew I wanted to take him home and never let any one ever hurt him again. He was at that moment the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. His head was bruised and swollen , he had puffy eyes from the skull fractures, bruising around his ears and on his chest. But yet he managed to smile at me, I was in love.

My Little Easter Buddy

On April 10, 1998 we brought Jason home. It was Good Friday, what an appropriate day. All the kids fell in love as fast as I did. Steve was a little stand offish, just kinda looked from a distance. That was until I was standing in the kitchen with the baby on my shoulder and Steve started to walk past. Jason caught Steve's glance and they stared at each other, then the little man smiled. Well needless to say Steve turned into a big mush ball. From that day on Jason was his baby, during the day of course.
I thought I knew everything there was about babies and I did, just not abused ones. When I changed his diaper he screamed, when he was sound asleep he screamed, when I tried to lay him down he screamed. So I called an expert, Donna, my good friend and nurse, who actually took care of the baby in the pediatric intensive care unit. I flooded her with questions, she answered each and everyone of them without making me feel as if I were a complete idiot. Yes he probably had pain in his head, he has skull fractures. The constant crying was a neuro cry from the brain trauma. It probably causes pain in his head to lift his butt up to change his diaper, that put pressure on the back of his head. So I needed to fix that. When he needed to be changed, it took 2 . One to take off the old diaper and gently lift him up, the other to place the diaper down so he could be laid on it. One problem solved. When I could lay him down to sleep(which wasn't often), He slept on a feather pillow placed in the bassinet. Most of the time I just held him and slept in the recliner all night. The next was to change his formula, he puked all the time and passed a lot of gas. So we tried soy, no good, then we tried 3 more all with the same results. So the pediatrician recommended Alimentum. Liquid not powder, it worked but boy did it stink, going in and coming out. Now to figure out why he screamed all the time, not a painful scream a scared scream. So I was given the name of an infant mental health specialist. Who even knew there was such a person. Well my friend Nancy W. did. That was on my to do list for the week after Easter. Wow I forgot how much laundry you have to do with a baby. But it was o.k., he needed us.

You have Got to be Kidding

On Monday I received a call from Nancy H. I had to take the baby for a visit with the womb and sperm donor (I don't call  them his parents, because parents don't hurt their babies). I can't believe these monsters were not in jail. How do they still have the right to see this baby? Someone needed to put a gun to their heads and pull the trigger. I could have done it, easy, if I wasn't afraid of getting caught. I had to come face to face with these maggots. I had to hand over this fragile broken baby to the people who inflicted such pain. I was wreck, my mouth was dry, my hands shook, I wanted to turn around and run, right after I blew their brains out.
I'm not quite sure what I expected when I saw these people. Young teens strung out on drugs I guess. As I walked up to them I was surprised. He was older, maybe early 40's, not a bad looking man. She was young, early 20's, butt ugly with a big mouth. The baby was sleeping and the minute she opened her mouth the screaming began. I had to leave, it broke my heart. All I could hear was his screams. The visit didn't last the 1 hour it was suppose to. They had me come back and take him, he had not stopped crying since they laid their meat hooks on him. When I took him back he calmed right down, he knew me already. I made my mind up right then and there, if they wanted this baby back they were gonna have a fight. But Nancy H. thought the same thing. She was the angel in Jason's life. She knew if they got him back, he would die, probably at there hands.

Let the Fight Begin

Once a week for the next 5 months I had to take the poor baby down to the DHS office for a one hour visits. He would scream, they would hand him back to me, I would calm him, they took him back. This went on for the entire visit ever week. In the mean time, we had court hearing. The womb and sperm donor had to take parenting classes, whoopee. Beat your baby, take a class and get your baby back. Beat your dog, go to jail and never own another animal the rest of you life. Something was very wrong here. Just because you mate and produce off spring does not make you a parent.
After about 2 months of the visits, I finally had had enough. I refused to calm the baby down just to give him back to hear him scream again. I was his comfort, he felt safe with me. I couldn't do it anymore. So the workers went to court and asked that the visits be stopped. The Judge said if the womb and the sperm donor couldn't calm him down in 5 minutes, the visits were over. So every week for 5 minutes he had a visit.
In the mean time Nancy H. filed with the court to terminate the parental rights. So the fight was on and the Judge felt sorry for the womb. He wanted her to tell what happened to the baby, if she didn't do it the sperm donor must have. She had no knowledge, she wasn't kidding there, she was as dumb as a box of rocks. So spermie said he must have hit himself in the head with a rattle. I don't know what kind of rattles he bought the baby, lead? Some how before the trial got under way a little bird told the local newspaper, "The Flint Journal" about the case. So everyday the trial was going on ,a reporter named Kim Crawford sat in the front row. He along with several onlooker were mortified to hear the injuries this baby had received. Then the Judge wanted DHS to find a relative to take the baby. I thought I was gonna die. Not to worry, Nancy H. weeded them out fast. None of them were any better than the abusers. She was a professional in every way, telling it like it was. Never once backing down, she stood her ground. In her professional opinion, they had caused the injuries. An infant mental health professional testified he suffered post traumatic stress disorder, this beating was not the first. But it was the last. Who new a baby could have P.T.S.D.? Like the Judge, I thought only veterans were diagnosed with that.
The trial came to an end on August 19,1998, I remember the date well, it was my 40th birthday. I thought for sure the Judge would terminate right then and there. Instead he set another date for the ruling, September 8. Between the end of the trial and the decision date Kim ran the article in the Journal. "The Tragic Case Of Jason Seames". It was very powerful, it brought to light the evil some people possess.

You could have heard a pin drop as the Judge spoke. Devastating injuries, no one else ever took care of the baby, no reasonable explanation. He terminated their rights. I was so happy, I couldn't get out of the court house fast enough to call Steve. I knew the first time I saw him, I would never let anyone hurt him like that again. So we named him Jacob David and the early in 1999 his adoption was final. So I stepped up again making it a little closer to top. But this time there was a little hop in my step.

Sweet Bubba

Everything was going great. We got to keep our baby and he was doing fantastic. Better than anyone had expected. It took him a while to crawl, he would drag his left leg. But eventually he mastered it. Once he learned to walk, running wasn't far behind. I no longer had to sleep in the recliner because he slept between Steve and I every night.
This also happened to be the year Nici turned 17, so we kept our license open. And the revolving door once again began to turn. Around the middle of June we had to say good bye to Gabby. When she got here she was this shy young lady with long straight brown hair and her guard up. When she left I was half afraid her parents would come over and kick my butt. I was sending back a very outspoken woman with cropped hair and tongue piercing. Heaven help me, I thought about moving and not leaving a forwarding address. But it was all OK. We made yet another life long friend.
Soon after Gabby left we received a phone call. A 3 month old, badly injured. He had severe head trauma which required surgery. Would we take him? Well that was no brainer. So off to the hospital I went. What a sad moment when I saw this poor little guy. He had a strip of hair shaved off his head with staples to take it's place.They started in the middle of his forehead at the hairline going straight back and down, then curved back around to the front of his ear almost in a backwards C shape. There was a drain sticking out from the crown area. He appeared to me to be blind. He just looked so sad. So a few days later I brought him home and once again the recliner became my bed. Bubba, as we called him was beautiful. He wasn't as demanding as Jacob had been as far as the screaming. But he did not like to be left alone. I soon found out why. He had lost the vision in one eye totally and the top half of his vision in the other. I was pissed, but the things people do to their children no longer surprised me. All we could do was love him.
But again the visits started. First with the womb and sperm donor, then the grandparents. Of course all the court hearing and doctor visits kept me very busy. Twelve months seemed to fly by, and before I knew it the courts were giving him back to the womb and her parents. Oh what a sad day. It was hardest on Jacob. He was 2 1/2, and this was "HIS Bubba". Evey time the worker put Bubba's stuff in  the car Jacob would try to take it out. He kept screaming ,"My Bubba". I said that was it, I was done, never again would they hurt my kids. I would never take another child again.

OK So I Lied

After Bubba left I didn't want anymore kids. But stupid me I always answered the phone. A 15 month old, severe fetal alcohol syndrome. Sure, no problem I'll be home bring her over. I was surprised to see the tiniest little girl. She was sleeping, but her hair was not. It was crawling with lice. It took smothering them with Vaseline for 2 days to kill them. She stayed with us about 15 months, then she went to an adoptive home with her brother. It was a little easier with her, she was a feeces eater and  I would not miss that. Then a few more emergency placements the rest of the year. In January of 2001 I got another call. Brand new baby girl, this was a for sure termination and we could adopt. I was right there. For 2 months she was my baby. Then on March 4th I got the call. They were moving her to a home with a sibling. I was heart broken. But this time I was done. I told them they could take my license, don't call me anymore. They could kiss me right smack were the sun didn't shine. So they took my baby. Two hour later they called. We have a 4 month old baby boy. Nope don't want him. I was still crying over my girl. Steve told me go get him, she is not coming back.
So down to DHS I went and there waiting for me was the biggest 4 month old I had ever seen. He looked like a toddler and scrunched up in a sleeper way to small for all his length. He was beautiful and had the biggest smile. Shit I was in love again. So I took him home, his name was Christian, but we dubbed him "Big Boy". I had to buy him 12 month clothes. He never cried, he slept 12 hours a night, he smiled all the time. He was the perfect baby. He fit right in, like he was meant to be here.
Just a little over 3 months later on June 16th, I got another call. Could I go down to the court house asap to pick up an 18 day old. When it rains it pours. OK be right there. Steve was still at work and there was no time to call him. So I grabbed Shannon to go with me and told the kids when Dad gets home tell him I went shopping. When we got to the court house he was being passed around by the referees. Dressed only in a onsie and smelling terrible, they handed me this tiny little baby. He was shivering from the air conditioning. They told me to get my car and drive it as close to the steps as I could. The mom was a wack job and she was going to try and follow me. So I did, then they handed me a bag of  baby stuff, a paper with some info on him and the baby. We had to run to the car, Shannon hopped in the back seat to put him in the car seat and they told us to go, go, go. I felt like a kidnapper. If I hadn't been so nervous it might have been fun.

I Think I'm Getting A Nose Bleed

Pulling into the driveway I saw Steve was home. Well Shannon let's get this over with. You see, Steve and I had decided with Christian, 10 was enough. Here I was bringing another baby home. I walked in the door, Steve was sitting at the table. "Hi honey I'm home", I tried to sound all excited. He said, "Where did you go shopping at"? I stepped up off the landing held the baby up like a trophy and said, "The court house". There was no look of surprise on his face, He was getting used to coming home to another child being here. He did say, " What the heck is that"? To which I replied,"It's a Joey". Wow, was all he said. Things at the court house happened so fast I really didn't get a chance to check the little guy over, however I did smell him and he needed a bath. So as I was getting him ready I took notice. Wow was right, he had tabby cat orange hair that stood straight up,crossed eyes, pediatric acne, testicles the size of tennis balls and thrush so bad it was all over his lips, if he would have had teeth, I'm sure they would have been bucked. But to me he was beautiful. First thing I had to do was call my mom. She always wanted a red headed baby and she loved the name Joey. So I called her. "Mom guess what I have"? Another kid right? Yep and he has red hair and his name is Joey. Well she couldn't get over her fast enough. And like me she was in love. Christian was as always all smiles and to my surprise very gentle, considering he wasn't quite 7 months. He tooled around in his walker, always wanting to be by the baby. They were quite the duo, one was huge the other so tiny. They kinda reminded me of the Arnold Schwarzenegger/ Danny Davito movie Twins. Joey was the total opposite of Christian. He cried all the time and never slept. So it was back to the recliner for me. I finally had to take him to the doctor, I had a lot of patience but the crying was wearing them thin. From the time I put him in the car he never stopped screaming the entire 20 miles to the doctor. It continued as I signed him in and the doctor came out to the waiting area. He took Joey back to examine him. I told him this was the norm, he cried all the time. He told me he had colic and we needed to change his formula and give him something to calm down the tummy. Great maybe some relief for the poor baby. After trying all the formulas available I finally had to get a prescription for some special gentler formula. He seemed to tolerate that better. So now we needed to focus on his eyes. If he looked straight at you they would cross. So he tipped his head back as far as he could almost closing his eyes with only a little slit to see out of. So a new slew of doctors were on the horizon. In the mean time both boys had visits at DHS and court hearing on different days of course. This time as I took 2 more steps closer I was dragging my ass.

Alway Room For One More

By mid summer things were getting a little more organized. The kids were out of school and the older ones were a big help with the babies. Mom was here as much as she could be. Christian had taken to Heidi loving all the attention she gave him and Joey stuck with me until Mom came over of course. Jacob on the other hand had become very attached to Uncle Dave and Grandma Hanson. Everything was going pretty darn smooth considering we now had 11 kids. That year on my Mom's birthday we had given her a trip to Oklahoma to visit my cousin and his family. In September she decided to go. It was during that time the Twin Towers had been attacked and she had to stay 5 days longer than expected. She called me a few times saying she just wanted to come home she didn't feel well.
The night she arrived home I picked her up at the airport and took her to her apartment she was glad to be back. A few hours later she called to say she was having trouble breathing. I called my sister to take her to the hospital and told her to keep me informed. Having already had a heart attack and stint we were sure it had something to do with her heart. Imagine my surprise when my sister Lori called me a 3 a.m. hysterically crying. Some sad excuse for a doctor with absolutely no bed side manners walked in said it appears you have leukemia and walked out. Well I said bullshit, when in actuality I wanted to say no way God would not do this to me again. They admitted her that evening and told her they would have to do a bone marrow test the next day. If that were positive they would surgically implant a port so they could start chemotherapy. I was at the hospital with her when they did the bone marrow test. Anyone who knew my mother knew she was a very strong person, but when they slammed those big bore needles into her hip bones she buried her face in her pillow and screamed. I wanted to knock the snot out of that doctor. Why didn't he sedate her? What a heartless bastard. Well the marrow was positive so they implanted a port and her chemo began.
Knowing how sick chemo makes a person I told my brothers and sisters she could not live alone anymore. I was the only one of us kids that didn't work so I told Mom she had to live with me. She pretended to not like the situation but I knew she was happy. My girls doubled up, what we could fit in the room came here and everything else went to storage. Two week later Mom came home from the hospital.

Our Devastating Losses

There was no one more happier to see Mom than Joey, he called her MeNana. Every night just as she was going to bed we would burst in her room and yell surprise. Then I would let Joey climb all over her. She loved it and so did he. After her first round of chemo the doctor didn't see much change so he gave her 6 weeks and wanted to give her morphine to send her home to die. Well we fired him. We took her to Karmanos  Cancer Institute in Detroit, the specialist there told us the previous doctor was not aggressive enough. He tried her on another medication and set up a protocol for her new doctor, whom turned out to be fantastic.

Around the same time my Mother-in-law was having medical issues too. Most of the time they were in the hospital at the same time so we would just hop between floors. When Mom was home and doing out patient chemo all of the family pitched in to take her. Everyone took turns taking her where she needed to be. Then a home nurse would come in and give her shots or I.V. fluids, clean her port, take her temp stuff like that. But they started to get too comfy. One day a nurse came out hooked Mom to an I.V. then went into my bathroom to crap and read a book she was in there for an hour. So being me I fired them. I took over the home care, I did the shots, I.V's, temps and Mom liked it better. This went on for almost a year.

The first part of August while my Mother-in-law was having dialysis she had a stroke. She didn't want any heroics, so she was taken to a room and made very comfortable. On August 6th five days before my husbands birthday our sweet Charlene passed away. We were all devastated I left her room and went to see my Mom a floor down from hers. I crawled in the bed with my her and  we cried together. I told her, "You had better not die on me". That evening we talked to her doctor, he told me he heard about Charlene and unfortunately he felt my Mom would also pass this week. I told him she wouldn't do that to me, die that close to Charlene. She waited a week.

On August 14th five day before my birthday Mom passed here at home with her family. I lost my 2 Moms. Here I was a 44 year old woman with 11 kids and I felt like an orphan. I now know this is how many of the children in foster care feel. If it hadn't been for my husband and kids I would have curled up in a ball and died myself. The next morning my sisters and brother were here and we had to make funeral arrangement. All of a sudden I started to laugh, in our grief we had sent Mom to the wrong funeral home. She hated the owner of the one we sent her to. So we made our oldest  sister Lori  make the call. Mom would have thought this was funny, maybe she had something to do with it and as always Mom had the last laugh.

Trying to Find Normal

For the most part the rest of 2002 was a blur.We had put our foster license on hold so we wouldn't receive any calls for a while. I knew if they called I couldn't turn them down. For the first time in my life I wanted no chaos, I wanted to mourn and feel sorry for myself and believe me I did. Trying to get through the holidays was going to be  unbearable.The kids seemed to snap back pretty fast but I was on the pity train and had no intention of getting off any time soon. A friend of mine said I should talk to a psychic she once had do a reading  for her, oh what the heck I was miserable maybe she could make me laugh. So I called her, I didn't expect much, maybe a generic reading with your gonna be rich, your going to take a long vacation stuff like that. I was absolutely overwhelmed with emotion when the first thing she asked me was who was catholic, my Mom was. Then she said how sorry she was that Mom has recently passed along with another woman I was close to. She told me she saw a 17month old with bad eyes and he would need emergency surgery, I have lots of kids, would get more a couple of girls, sibling, we would get rewarded for doing what we do. She went on for a half an hour and said something only my Mom and I knew, a private thing. Nothing generic about this reading. The part about getting more kids I didn't believe, because we had decided we were done again. I did feel better in a way and didn't really think of some of the stuff she said until 2 weeks later. When my 17 month old with bad eyes had to have emergency surgery for a hernia that was strangling his intestines. Well maybe there was something to this.
Christmas that year was going to be awful. We always had Christmas Eve dinner at our house so Mom could give everyone their gifts then go from house to house on Christmas Day to see what all the kids got from Santa. I had saved a lot of Mom's clothes. During the time she was sick we had all bought her pajamas, something that was comfortable for her to wear. So I decided I would make my brothers and sister quilts out of her clothes. That was a big undertaking because I had never made one before. Every quilt was personalized with a piece from a pair of p.j.'s they had bought mom. They turned out OK, a little lopsided but OK.
We managed to get through Christmas without anyone having that big of a break down. The New Year had to be better because I couldn't take that train anymore. I needed to get it together if not for the kids then for myself.

Thriving Once Again

I guess it was around March when we finally got a call, it was for a newborn baby girl. She was African American. The mother had a substance abuse problem and mental health issues. Sure we would take her just let me know when and where to pick her up. Not too long after that I received another call. A placement worker said we couldn't have the baby, she needed to be with her own. Her own what mother? No race. I was speechless and for that to happen to me was just short of a miracle, then she hung up. I made a few calls that went to voice mail then a few hours later a different placement worker called me. Would you like a baby girl, she's African American? I don't know do you have a problem with me taking her, I asked?  No, should I, she replied? I explained what was said earlier and this lady was upset. Some people that work here are narrow minded. So I went to the hospital and picked up this beautiful little newborn. Chaos was slowly returning.
A week later we received another call. We know you have a baby but we have a 3 week old, severe abuse, skull fractures, healing unset fracture of the fore arm, seizures. You have experience with this sort of injury, would you be willing to let the baby girl go to another home and take this little boy. Yes I would, so I packed up the sweet baby girl and went to see the my other baby.
Oh what a butter ball he was so cute laying there sucking his finger. A head full of dark curly hair and the biggest brown eyes I had ever seen. His name was Devon and he needed some love. On May 3, 2003 we went to meet the rest of the family. When I got home Steve was in the family room, I took Devon to meet him. Steve started to laugh. He had just watched the movie Fridays and he said Devon looked like this big drug dealer named Deebo. I thought that was mean but he really did, so from then on he was known as Deebo. By this time I knew the routine, isn't that sad to know what doctor an abused baby must see. So it was back to my chaotic life, ot, pt and speech therapy, neurologists, gastroenterologists you name the specialist we saw them. The sperm donor admitted to beating the baby, he was charged and sentenced to prison for 1st degree child abuse where he still is today. But because the womb wasn't home at the time of the abuse (she was working the streets) she was allowed visits. Deebo had a great foster care worker, she knew the womb was on parole for drugs and prostitution, so she ran her and found out she was in violation of her parole. She set up a visit for her to see Deebo but also called the police. They took that fat slob to jail. Oh happy days. That was the end of the visits. But I still had a problem, I could not get a doctor to believe me that Deebo couldn't hear. When he was about 7 months he started rolling up to the t.v. and putting his ear to the speaker. I could bang pans and clap my hands still nothing. So I decided one last time to take him to yet another Ear Nose and Throat specialist. They did some kind of test on him and said I was right. His eardrums did not vibrate. So we scheduled surgery to have tubes put in his ears. When the surgeon came out to talk to me afterwards, he said when he punctured the eardrum to insert the tube fluid from the brain or brain matter oozed out. He said it was common for this to happen when the skull is fractured in that area. He had seen it a few times before when he did his residency. Gross was all I could say but at last he should be able to hear better.
The court proceeding went very fast in this case. They terminated rights at the 2nd hearing and we got to keep our Sweet Deebo. So once again I was on an upward climb. Oh who cares when you do all this laundry anyway whats a little more. But I still wanted that sky light!!

A Job Well Done

Right after the first of the year in 04 we were trying to get the adoption finalized for the 3 boys. We had our physicals all that was left to do were TB tests. So we loaded in the cars and invaded the doctors office. His nurse must have been really upset, she messes up half of the tests and we had to have them re-done. Joey's came back positive, so the health department called and we had to try and figure out how he was exposed. After some internet searching the only thing we could figure out was my Mom had been exposed during her years as an E.M.T with the Kearsley Rescue Squad and she had not known. I found out a lot of people have exposure to TB and never know it until they are immune suppressed or have a TB test. This only meant he had been exposed so he had to go on medication for a year just in case he was ever immune suppressed. Not long after all that took place we started getting our final adoption papers. First Deebo then Joey and Ian. My older kids were leaving to go away to college. If I could have all my kids live me with me the rest of their lives and bring their spouses and children I would be one happy mama. But I had to cut the apron strings sometime so off they went. My pile was getting smaller and can you believe it I didn't like it. So the door was once again open and the calls started coming.
Three little boys who may have been TB exposed, no one would take them. I didn't have 3 opening but they would make an exception. OK see you in an hour. They were a temporary placement. They had only been out of foster care a few weeks, their mother brought them here from Ohio against court orders so they would be going back to Ohio foster care. They were a trio of cuties, one was 3 and a matching set of 4 year old twins. That evening after getting them bathed and putting them to bed me the queen of the laundry room washed their filthy clothes and coats.
A couple day later when DHS came to get the boys they were putting on their coats, one of the twins sniffed the sleeve looked at me with a big smile and said, "Hey Lady you washed our coats they smell so good thank-you". That almost made me cry to think a clean coat made these little boys so happy. I learned right then and there my kids took total advantage of me and my wonderful ability to remove stains. This was the first time I had ever been thanked for doing the laundry. Man I felt good.

Oh So Tiny

On August 29th I received a call, had I ever had a child with a tracheotomy? As a matter of fact no. They had a 10 year old with a tracheotomy that needs a temporary placement until another foster family gets back from vacation. She was in the hospital because they had no one to take her and was I willing to learn? Sure why not. I went to the hospital and met the little girl. The nurses showed me how to take care of the trach and what medical equipment I would take with us. Then the DHS worker came to meet me. He was so happy that she could go to a home he told me he owed me one. OK I want a baby, the next one you have to place call me. He said," Really"? Yep! He told me to follow him so I did right into the NICU. There in an incubator was the smallest baby I had ever seen. He weighed 2lb 8oz and was 12" long and was a week old. It was hard to see his face due to all the tubes but I had never seen such small hand and feet in my life. He would have fit in my purse. His nurse said he probably wouldn't be ready to go home for 3 months, he was born at 26 weeks no prenatal care and bio-mom did a lot of drugs. The worker looked at me and said do you still want him. Now that was a stupid question, he sure didn't know me to well.
The little girl stayed about 2 weeks and I didn't really hear anymore about the baby, which isn't unusual until they are ready to go home. So I was very surprised to get a call the 3rd week of October, I had to go to the hospital to learn C.P.R., apnea training, how to give him his 7 medications and  the importance of making sure he is fed 40cc of a high calorie formula every three hour around the clock. As I was leaving for the hospital I got a call from the social worker who informed me the baby could not go home, he had just stopped breathing and had to stay another week, but I was more than welcome to come take the training and hold the baby. Don't have to tell me twice I was there.
When they handed me Anthony I was afraid he would break. There was nothing to him so tiny and beautiful with a head full of blond hair and big blue eyes, he weigh a whopping 4lb 5oz. So I visited him everyday until it was time to take him home. But before we could leave they had to do a car seat test on him to see if he could breath in a sitting position. He failed so they gave him a lay down car seat that looked like an egg cut length wise in half. Weird but it worked, so homeward bound we were.

No more backward steps, it was onward and upward for me.

Loving Every Minute

I could not have ever imagined how hard it was to care for a preemie. The feedings, the medication, the apnea monitor going off all the time, weigh ins at the doctors office, visiting nurses, something was going on all the time. It's like being on high alert 24 hours a day. I managed and as Anthony grew stronger he would soon have to start visiting his parents. First they had to be clean from drugs, it took a while for mom and dad never came around. When they started it was hit or miss if  the mom would show up. Always an excuse no ride, slept too late, thought it was tomorrow, eventually  she started coming on a regular basis around the end of March after 5 clean drug screens. What a surprise she had in store, she was pregnant again due around the first of August. I was happy to see she was abstaining from drugs she was really going to give this baby a chance, I was proud of her and told her so. She was a very nice girl with a lot on her plate and she tried hard to change her life. On July 6, 2005 she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl she named Roselyn. Unfortunately she did not have a stable home as of yet so DHS asked us if we would like the baby placed with us. Yes we did but we didn't have an opening we had our quota according to foster care guide lines. So our licensing worker requested a variance so we could take Rosie home and keep the sibling together. On July 8 she was released to us. It was a sad day for the mom, she was trying and I gave her cuddos for that. We started visits with both babies a week later. Because Anthony had been in foster care longer and there was an older sister placed with paternal grandparents a termination trial had already been scheduled for them. That would proceed and the parental rights were terminated. Mom kept coming for visits with Rosie and trying to find a stable home but things just didn't work out for her. Around the time Rosie was 10 month the mom and I were leaving a visit when she said she was going to sign her parental  rights away. She told me she couldn't properly care for her and wanted to make sure we would adopt her. I had respected everything she tried to do to get her life in order, but for her to put this baby before herself I thought was the true act of a mother.
The psychic was kind of right  I did get sibling just not 2 girls. So here we were 14 kids, lord what was I thinking or not thinking ?

So I had reached the top of the laundry pile or so I thought. Fourteen was a nice even number besides I was getting way to old to stay up all night. Some of our kids were in their 20's it would soon be time for me to be a grandmother. I would get my baby fix during the day then send them home with their parents at night and I could sleep. Sounded real good to me. But for right now my pile runneth over.

One More For The Road

Around September of that year I received a phone call from the director of DHS. Steve and I  had been chosen as foster parents of the year. They would be honoring us with a dinner and an award. What a nice surprise, never really thought about being special (as they put it) and when added up over 13 years of foster parenting we had opened our home to about 65 children. Damn score another one for the psychic, this was way to coincidental. We had a very nice dinner, people said a lot of nice thing about us, we hob knobbed  with workers and family court judges then went home to finish the laundry. It was a good day.
Right after the Christmas Eve party with my family our daughter Lyndsay wanted to speak with me..privately. We went into my bathroom and I said,"Your pregnant, right"? How did you know? Well one doesn't usually sleep on the floor in a room with 25 people walking all around you. She was crying, I told we would get through this but she had to tell her Dad. She did and he told the same. After all she was 20 years old, she wasn't a little girl anymore, pretty soon she would be a mother. Hey that would make me a grandmother, ouch, that word kind of stung a little after all I still had babies. I think I need a face lift or maybe just an eyebrow lift, botox would be nice just between the eyes so when I scowled I would look pretty scowling. Something to look into...soon.
The holidays went off without a hitch, it's a New Year and we had something to look forward too, a new baby, I could send this one home at the end of the day. Anthony and Roselyn's adoption was going to be finalized soon. We had chosen the name Jackson Joseph for Anthony and SophiaRose Charlene for Roselyn. It was official I was the mother of an even 14 and had no intentions of making it an uneven 15.
On January 28th, I was told the bio mother of Ian had given birth to twin girls. One was in the NICU the other had died either right before or just after her birth they weren't quite sure. The twins were delivered to the best of their knowledge at 24 1/2 weeks both weighing 2 pounds. They had received no prenatal care and mom was at a bar when her water broke. They were going to file a petition to place the baby in foster care if she survived. If that happened I would like the baby, I already had a sibling and wanted to keep the kids together. Our licensing worker went about getting another variance for the baby and after a lot of paper work it was approved. We got a call around the middle of April, we could start visiting the baby. So Steve and I went to see her she was so beautiful and tiny 4lb 6oz. She had serious medical issues like Jackson, her lungs were under developed she would be coming home on oxygen and an apnea monitor along with a variety of medications to keep her alive. Everything  from diuretics to keep her kidneys functioning to medication to keep her breathing. She had to have the lay down car seat too. On April 27th we brought AnnaLisa home, she was definitely a very wanted 15th child. Now we would have to see how everything went as far as the bio mom's her ability to properly care a medically fragile infant.
Needless to say the face lift was off the downtime would be too long and no one was willing to do the laundry.
After what seemed liked an eternity it was determined to be in the best interest of AnnaLisa to terminate the parental right of the mother and unknown father. The psychic was right after all, we did get 2 girls, siblings, just not to each other.

We kept the name AnnaLisa Marie it seemed to fit her, but we just call her "P".

Standing On The Top and Smiling

So it became official I was the proud mother of 15 and on August 28, 2006 my 1st grandchild was born, Isaiah J.Loyd Gatica. I was a grandmother and I liked it.
I was the one who was never going to have children. I babysat all through my teen years and there was no way I was going to be saddled with a bunch of snot nosed rude little kids and jumping at their every whim, unable to go out or afford stylish clothes, travel where ever I wanted to go. Nope that wasn't the life I had envisioned for myself. I am not a very religious person but it has been said God put you here for a reason and I do believe my reason was for my kids.

Most of you would look at my pile of laundry and see dirty clothes. But not me I see my life. The jeans that are to small for Ian, oh wow he sure is growing. Or the muddy pants Joey just heaved at me, he sure had fun in that  puddle. Oh look at that new dress I just bought for Sophia it has nail polish all over it, she was so proud of that polish job she did. AnnaLisa's shirt has a cut right down the middle, she just learned how to use scissors. The torn knee in a pair of new jeans, Deebo learned how to ride his bike today. The dirty baseball uniform Jacob just dumped on the floor, he got a home run at his ballgame. The dead frog in Jackson's pocket, he was saving it to show Dad.

Yes I definitely made it to the top. It was a long journey, heartbreaking at times overwhelming at others. I didn't take any short cuts, there was only one way up and never once did I feel like I traveled it alone. I always had Steve by my side and our kids giving me a hand when I became too tired to go on. I never knew life on the top could be so rewarding even if it is just on a pile of dirty laundry.

Yes I Am Nuts

Well if you've gotten this far I'm assuming most of you  think I am nuts or super woman. Well "nuts" probably describes me best. People often ask me how did we get so many kids. I always tell them the easy way "adoption", no getting fat, no long labor, heck some of them came house broken. Just open the door and there they were. To be truthful adoption through foster care is way harder than any labor or delivery I had. When you give birth they wrap your bundle of joy up in a pink or blue blanket and send you home to be family. If you screw up they call me. If you are a drug abuser you will pee in a cup, take some classes, visit your child, go to dinner and a movie, visit friends, drink alcohol instead of popping pills, get uninterrupted sleep and then sleep 'til noon. I on the other hand will feed, clothe, bath, walk the floor, take the child to the doctor, play and love them. If you manage to get it together for 6 months to a year, they will give your child back. I will be heartbroken, but I am a big girl I will get over it, your child on the other hand will be devastated. Like it or not your child has grown to love me and I them. I am not the enemy, I just happened to be the person they called to foster your child or I already have one or more of you kids and you didn't get it right the first or second time so they get yet another do over.
I have also been accused of "doing it for the money", yes that is right I was actually on the witness stand at a termination trial. I quit my job making $20.00 an hour to take care of foster children for 50 cents an hour. If you get an infant the child get WIC for formula but that is only a supplement, you must purchase the rest when you run out. They do get medicaid, but if medicaid doesn't want to pay the bill then you get it. You don't have to pay it but by the time the state takes care of it your credit score has dropped 100 points. They do get a clothing allowance 220.00 a year. You must purchased all new clothes, shorts, shirt, p.j.'s, undies, shoes, boots, winter coats, hats and mittens and  no garage sale or 2nd hand shops. Oh yeah you get $25.00 to purchase Christmas presents.
When you give birth you know what you did or didn't do when you were pregnant, with foster babies you never know. Of course they never used drugs or alcohol when they were pregnant. The baby tested positive at birth for cocaine because someone put it in their water or they were around someone smoking pot. The baby was in utero growth retarded not because you drank the entire pregnancy but because they just couldn't eat. Heard them all and the only one who suffers is the baby.
Not to candy coat anything for you but it is a very difficult process. And if I had to do it all over again I would, exactly like it happened. These are my kids each and everyone of them. I had to go back and look at pictures in order to write this blog because I forgot which ones were adopted.
I did not write this blog to toot my own horn or to get any pats on the back. I got into foster care for very selfish reasons, like I said before I have never been good at too many things but I am a good mother. Oh believe me I am not the perfect mother, I try but I too am human and I make mistakes. Sometimes big mistakes, well maybe not so big. I am a yeller, I do like to talk "extra loud" if I feel my kids are ignoring me. But no one else had better yell at my kids. I am an enabler, I will go behind them and clean up all their messes most of the time. I do have melt downs and I like to have family meeting to tell them what I expect from them. I don't freak out if they draw with a sharpie on my newly painted walls. It's just a wall I can paint over it. Actually I usually leave it a few days then take a picture before I paint over it. I don't sweat the small stuff, it's not worth the high blood pressure.

My Kids

Let me tell you a little about my kids. People say kids say and do the funniest things, well they certainly do. I think mine must have been comedians in their previous lives. All of my children are very unique in their personalities and their views. They are all going to be very successful. My Golden years are looking promising!!

 Lets start with Erik.We had this old upholstered recliner with wooden arms, every time I sat in it a spring would poke me in the butt, so one day I made the comment that I was going to chop it up and throw the damn thing in the fireplace. Not long after that my father-in-law was over doing a few projects that we needed help with. Him and I were in the kitchen and he left his tool box by the front door. All of a sudden we heard this sawing noise. I looked into the living room and there was Erik, feverishly trying to saw the arms off my chair. I said ,"Hey what do you think you're doing"? To which he so proudly announced," I am cutting it up to throw the damn thing in the fireplace"! Who get mad at him he was just doing what I had procrastinated about. I believe he was 4 at the time. 

He continued to be of great help while growing up. He once sat on the roof of my car with a can of Off, trying to kill all the little flies that landed on it. Needless to say it ate the paint right off the car. He was a good boy though, we only had one real problem with him, he thought the words high school meant hockey and girls. Heck he even dated a girl who played hockey. You gotta love a girl who lets you kiss her and bean her with a hockey puck, now that's true love. He eventually graduated high school and went on to college, first at Mott then off to New York. My baby was going away that was a sad day for me, but I was also very proud, he had decided to become an Optometrist. After a few years in New York he was accepted at Salus University in Philadelphia.In June of 2009 we loaded up three cars and went to watch him graduate. What a very proud moment my baby was now Dr. Erik Hanson. He still likes hockey and girls, but now I think the girls come first.
Nici, oh what a handful, she had a mind of her own right from the start. She was a good baby, sleeping 12 hours a night at 2 weeks. She was stubborn, no one got the best of Nici she always told it like it was. One day when she was about 2 we took the kids to Huckleberry Junction for pizza and to play. The kids had a great time and didn't want to leave especially Nici. We told her come on we had to go she refused being the stubborn child she was , standing firmly in one place and giving us her evil eye. Steve tried to take her hand and she jerked away and proceeded to have a temper tantrum. He gave her one quick swat on the behind and told her to come on. We started to walk away, we were sure she was right behind us but when we looked back she was in the process of pulling down her pants. Horrified I said, "What are you doing"? She simply replied, " Daddy smacked my panties up my butt". As she grew she mastered the evil eye, it was her way of starting the stand off. If she got into trouble and was told to go to her room you got the eye, if you took her hand and tried to take her to her room she would simply go limp like a rag doll. I think she was my curse child. All mothers know the curse child, the one when you were younger and naughty your mother cursed you with. They would say," I hope you have a daughter just like you". Oh boy did I ever. Needless to say her stubbornness and determination to get what she wanted has turned out to be her best asset. She went to college, found a great husband and is the Executive Director of a Retirement Community in Grand Rapids.
Heidi, the original baby and what a baby she was. She was 10 when we adopted Michael. She seemed to be happy, she never acted upset or mad. Then one day I found a note denouncing Michael. She wanted him gone, banished back to the foster care system. Not because she didn't like him or because he bothered her, but because she was no longer the baby, everyone made a a fuss over Michael now and she felt slighted. Now my mom won't get to buy me everything I want because Michael doesn't have anything. He's just a brat and besides that I think he's ugly. Eventually she came around and welcomed all the kids just like a big sister should. She is very artistic, she can design a room perfectly, she is also a very talented photographer she took Logan's senior pictures this year. She will continue her schooling in the fall to get a degree in Marketing.
Lyndsay was a very beautiful 9 year old when she came to us with a head full of the fuzziest hair I had ever seen. She was sweet, polite and severely gassy. I don't care where you were if the girl had to fart she would back her butt into a corner, rip a big one and excuse herself. The girl definitely had manners. With hair like that and them manners she reminded me of a cross between Don King and Larry the cable guy. Eventually her hair tamed down and she learned to control her gas. Lyndsay is in college to become a teacher.
McKayla, what can I say? To this day she still has the same big smile I saw the day she came to live with us. She has the emotional strength of a hundred men. I have known girls who cried harder over breaking a nail than this child did about having her leg amputated. If you ever need someone to declutter your home she's the one for you. Everything will be spotless nothing left including a $900.00 check you will have to go dig through the garbage to find. She has also found a good reason for her prosthetic leg, (just like Lyndsay she is a very gassy girl), she farts then says it was her leg, it must need oil. Funny girl but she has no explanation for the smell. Mac is attending M.S.U. and will apply to grad school next spring to get her doctorate in physical therapy.
Shannon, my bossy little blond she was outspoken the day she came and still is. She has also been my most nurturing of the bunch always wanting to help with the little kid. Making sure they did what "SHE" wanted them to do and if they didn't they would be on the bottom of the pool with her standing on them. Just ask Mac she was at the receiving end of one of Shannon's most nurturing moment. The first time Mac had chemo and was so sick Shannon vowed to be a kids cancer doctor so no more kids would have to be sick like Mac, she was 5 at the time. This fall Shannon will enter M.S.U. med school. She is going to a cancer doctor for little kids aka a pediatric oncologist.
Michael, my Mikey the one that started it all. Having aspergers syndrome means he has no filter, he says it like it is. I had gotten my hair cut and had just finished styling it. Michael came into the hair room and said,"Nice hair mom but it would look better if you didn't have so many wrinkles on your face". I just laughed. He is definitely going to be the one I ask if my dress makes my ass look fat! No candy coating for him. Mike is currently in college, he is going into computer science.
Logan, I have to say she has been my most challenging of the kids. Her comedic acts started in preschool. One day she came out of her bedroom with a pair of old worn boys slippers, she proudly gave them to  Michael and said," Here I bought these for you". After some questioning and phone call to her teacher I found out a little boy in her class had gotten his slipper stolen a week prior. She had taken them and hid them in her toy box until she thought the cost was clear. I made her give them back to the boy the next day, she insisted for 6 months after that she had bought them. She also was expelled from the first grade for pulling down a little boys pants, she said  it was a joke you the the one,"look up look down your pants are falling down". For some reason the teacher didn't laugh. Logan will graduate this June and plans to attend Mott for a degree in criminal justice, go figure. 
Jacob my sweet little baby who was so badly beaten. Well against all odds he is doing great, getting good grades in school and is a fantastic baseball player. He turned 13 this last February and stands 5'7" and wears a mens 12 shoe. Jacob likes to pretend he has a hearing problem for example: Jake take out the garbage, pick up your clothes, don't beat on your brother he says oh I didn't hear you.  When I say dinner is ready or who wants ice cream it's a miracle his hearing has returned, they say the Lord works in mysterious ways.
Jacob is in the 7th grade.
Ian aka Big Boy and that he is, he was 10 in November and is 5'3" tall and wears a men's 10 shoe. He is a good boy and helps out a lot, with finishing off any left overs. He likes his old man comb over & button down shirts. He loves to cut coupons and carry them in his wallet just in case he's at the store and mentoes are on sale. Ian is in the 4th grade
Joey has definitely out grown the looks he came with. His orange hair has turned the prettiest strawberry blond. After 2 eye surgeries they no longer cross. After my Mom passed away he took a shine to Lyndsay, he decided she was his girlfriend. When he was 4 and attending preschool at Pumpkin Patch he had to have his adenoids removed and Lyndsay was pregnant at the time. The nurse gave him some pre-op med to help him relax and not be afraid. Well they made him goofy and he was just a talking away. The doctor & nurse came in to ask a few questions before they took him. All of a sudden he blurts out,"Hey my girlfriend is pregnant"! The doctor asked him how that happened? His reply," Oh we learn a lot at Pumpkin Patch". Needless to say I had a lot of explaining to do. Joey is still girl crazy and in the 4th grade.
Deebo, he tries to be my serious thinker always ask off the wall questions. He is in the 2nd grade.One morning at breakfast he said to me,"Mom what grade will I be in when you are an old woman"? Sadly I lowered my head and mumbled 3rd. He just laughed at me.
Jackson oh dear my little playboy. I'm going to have buy shrink wrap for his willy when he hits high school.
The kid is 6 and he loves the ladies. The neighbors 2 granddaughters are alway at her house helping in the yard, they are 19 and 20 I guess. One day he came running in the house and said," Have you see my girlfriends at Kaffy's (Kathy) house oh man they are hot". One night I was watching TMZ and they showed a picture of Heidi Montag in  a tiny bikini who just had a boob job, "He says she's hot I want to date her". Let's see oh yeah he got in trouble on the bus for kissing his "girlfriend". The problem is he is cute and the girls play into it and he knows it! He is in kindergarten.
Sophia my 5 year old going on 15. She is a girly girl. She sneaks play make-up in her backpack to get ready on the bus. One day when I was getting dressed I was bent over pulling up my jeans she was behind me and said," Mom you have a big butt" and I said ,"one day you will have a big butt too". With a look of great joy in her eyes she said,"Yeah and I'll have big boobs too McKayla said". If she only knew! Sophia is in young 5's
AnnaLisa our baby, we call her "P". She is strapping young girl who can take out these boys here with one jerk on the back of their t-shirts. She takes no crap she will let 'em have it. A very talented and versatile artist and I have the drawings on the walls to prove it, in marker, lipstick, ink pen and chalk. She also likes to use scissors....on her hair, her clothes, the dogs, but she is a sweet girl. She is in preschool.

They say I'm Crazy, I Say It's Love

After I finished writing about the kids and how they got here I went and read my blog. I think I made it sound like we are the perfect family where everything is peachy keen and we skip around playing love songs. Well I do believe we are the perfect family each of the children were meant to be here. But we are by far not without drama, tenfold around here. I would like to say I am a firm believer in, "spare the rod spoil the child" but I am not. I believe there are 3 sides to every story, this ones, that ones and the truth. I do not stand for disrespect at home or school. My kids however can tell me how they feel about a decision we have made, they get to voice their opinion as long they are respectful about it. It really doesn't matter anyway their opinions usually suck. They are allowed 1 door slam if they are pissed of and go to their room. They may not however continue to slam it or they don't have a door, door on-door off it's as easy at that.
Well as sit here and write the drama is unfolding. A door lies off the hinges. One too many slams for me. Sometimes I ask myself was it all worth it? Then I look at each and everyone of my kids and say,"Yes". There is no doubt about it, mind you I have done some MOM stuff  that embarrassed them but so what. Like I have always told them, "This is my life you are here for the ride, when you are old enough to take care of yourself and live on your own that is when your life begins, so for now shut up and enjoy".
I remember one New Years Eve Heidi and her friends were going to a party, I believe they were around 16 at the time. I being the loving mother wanted to make sure nothing was going on so one of the other mothers and I decided to show up at the party. Mortified is what the girls were and I say HAHA. I will stalk my children just to make their lives miserable, I will voice my opinion about anything I want. That is my right they are my responsibility. My kids are not allowed to ride around with other kids just to see what might be happening on a Friday night. This is dangerous ! Giving a kid a 2 ton weapon to do as they please is unthinkable. They were and are never allowed to stay at someones house if I do not know the parents. The house must also have deadbolts, working smoke and co2 detectors and no babysitters. I also run a sex offender check on the parents. I know I sound paranoid but I need to keep my most precious commodities safe.
There were a few of those heart stopping phone calls. Your child has been in an accident please come. I received 3 of them and hope never to get another.
Heidi and friends went to a drive in, she called close to her curfew to see if they could stay longer the 2nd show wasn't over yet. Against my better judgement I said yes. About an hour later she called again,"Mom we have been in an accident, Amanda and I are o.k. but I think Hannah got her leg ripped off". I couldn't get to the seen fast enough I believe I jumped out of the car before it stopped. As I ran to the girls I was ambushed by the driver, he was begging me for  forgiveness. I had told  him as they were leaving he had better be a good driver or I would hold him responsible for anything that happened. There were some very severe injuries that evening, but thank God no one died. Needless to say no more drive-ins.
McKayla was riding home from school with a friend, the were t-boned as they pulled out onto a main road. She was taken to the hospital in an ambulance they thought she had a broken diaphragm. She was fine but she was also grounded, riding home from school with a young driver was not permitted.
Then there was Erik going with a friend to a concert. The call came from the hospital, accident on the express way, he was talking but injured. When we got to the hospital there was my son laying on a stretcher in a pool of blood. They had hydroplaned and went across the median into oncoming traffic and were t-boned on the passenger side right were he was sitting. He was lucky to be alive.
I also believe getting a drivers license at 16 is a privilege not a right of passage.
So my philosophy is you can never care to much, be too noisy or just plain mean as my kids put it.

A Letter to My Mom

Dear Mom,
   Well another Mothers day is almost here, it has been 9 long Mothers Days without you. I feel so sad and lost, it's just not fare. I asked myself all the time why you, why did you have to die? I still sleep on your pillow and your blanket keeps my feet warm at night. I have a shirt of yours hanging in my closet and all the squares I cut out of your clothes for my quilt. I haven't had the time to make mine yet. Joey still talks about you, can you believe it he is almost 10. You know you have 4 more grandkids you never got to meet. They are great, you would have said I'm crazy but you would have loved all of them. You know that thing with Jim, well you were right. Mom did you know I am a grandmother, I have a beautiful little grandson and in November I will be a grandmother again, Nici is expecting and yes I gave her the curse. Sarah and Shawnda both have son's, that would make you a Great-Grandmother. Sometime I swear I hear your voice or see you in a crowd and every now and then I can still smell your Este lauder perfume. But it's just my wishful thinking that this was all a bad nightmare and when I wake up you will still be here. I know in my heart that you are watching out for us and you probably already know all of this but I needed to tell you anyway. Mom I miss you and love you . Happy Mothers day.


All my love,
Lisa

My Gifts

Oh my children when will they understand that everyday is Mothers Day for me. They keep asking and I keep telling, I don't want anything in particular anything they give me I will love. Now had they asked me that years ago I would have had a laundry list of "my wants". Now I just have the laundry!! You see I have everything I have ever wanted. A good husband, great kids, a grandchild with one on the way, a few dogs & a cat I never asked for.
I never understood my Mom always saying she didn't want anything, just all the kids here for dinner would be great. Heck all the kids plus some presents would be even better. What was she thinking, free gifts Mom come on milk it ask for something good. But she never did and whatever we bought her she was happy and always said, "You should have saved your money but I'm glad you didn't, I love it". Now whether she really liked it we never knew. That is until she passed away, in her jewelry box among her gold earrings and chains, watches & diamond necklace I found a rhinestone seal pin I bought for her when I was in the 3rd grade. I used all my allowance, the whole 50 cents to buy it for her. I guess she really did love it.
Before I became a mom you didn't have to ask me twice, I always knew what I wanted, anything and everything for me. I still want things for me but now they are a little different. A hand print made into a tulip, one single marigold in a paper cup, a hand drawn portrait of me colored in crayon, a stack of coupons good for a hug or kiss, an ultrasound picture of my newest grandchild framed. These are the best gifts any mother will ever receive. I know my kids don't understand, but they will as I have. These are the most cherished of presents made from the heart and given with true love.

Just call Me Queeny

I have kept a very guarded secret from everyone and I am about to tell all. I am of royalty, I am a Queen, yes that's right a Queen, I am the Queen of Isaidso. This is a very strenuous position to be in given my duties. I live amongst commoners and everyone wants to be the court jester. They all think they're the funny one.  You do have to have a sense of humor to live in my kingdom. They all have tried numerous times and have not succeeded. For example just this past week-end Jackson asked me to open the pool. I told him it was still too cold. His reply was,"don't you see the sun I'm hot are you cold or something"? To which I replied,"No but it has to stay warmer at night so I don't have to run the heater it cost way too much money". He said,"Dad works make him pay for it". I didn't have the heart to tell him Dad couldn't afford the consumer bill on the allowance I give him. Funny but no pointy hat. But he kept it up and my reply was, "not yet, because I said so".

Sophia lost a tooth and the stupid tooth fairy keeps forgetting to stop by in the evening. So my excuse was a good one I thought. I told her her room was way to messy and the tooth fairy couldn't get to her bed without tripping over the toys. Without missing a beat she said, "That shouldn't be a problem cause the tooth fairy flies". Oops score one for her that was pretty good. So I told her she still had to clean her room and she asked why, to which I replied, "Because I said so".
They are always pushing the limits on their curfews. Can I stay just a little longer, 20 more minutes, why I don't have school tomorrow?  Oh come on give me a break please and I always come back with  NO, because I said so.
The new one is a cell phone, Jacob who is 13 wants a cell phone. For what? So he can call me from school in case of an emergency. What kind of emergency would there be that they would not allow you to call from the office, what you need me to bring you a pencil. Not happening until you get a job and pay for it yourself. "But whyyyy". Because I said so!! Well you'll be sorry if I miss the bus or something. Ha ha not really.
Oh to be so powerful, I love it. I never thought 3 little word would bring me such happiness. I wallow in all the self confidence it gives me. Make me feel as if I actually have control.