Today I felt very adventurous so I decided to get out of the house and do something, anything that didn't involve laundry, painting or sitting in front of the television. I had the urge to buy a new pair of shoes, replace my empty bottle of foundation with a full one, find a shirt that didn't hug my fat roll and look for a spring jacket that wasn't designed for a man. My kids often complain of my masculine, monochromatic wardrobe which consists of jeans, Steve or Jacob's cast off gray or black t-shirts topped with an over sized gray hoodie and an old very worn out once was white pair of sketcher shape-ups. My regular outings consist of grocery shopping, picking up sick kids at school or going to the home improvement store. So today I hit the mall which is usually reserved for Christmas shopping.
Once inside I was momentarily overcome with the holiday spirit and caught myself humming jingle bells. Bringing myself back to reality I headed for the make-up counter and then off to women's clothing. In no time at all I found a nice spring jacket and a loose fitting top. Feeling like I had really hit the jackpot I headed off to the shoe department and immediately found the cutest pair of wedge soled thongs. Wow this never happens I normally give up and leave the store depressed vowing to loose 20 pounds before I buy one more article of clothing. Feeling overly confident in my endeavor I decided to walk out into the mall and find the little store that strings your eyebrows. I have always wanted to try it but never had the time to wait or the nerve to enter. But today was different, I was feeling good. Being of a mature age I had a hard time trying to pluck my eyebrows with my magnifying glasses on and waxing was out of the question. I tried it once and it not only cleaned up the excess hair it took a large portion of my skin. So how bad could a little piece of string be?
Upon entering I was greeted by a smiling East Indian woman with a piece of string hanging from her mouth. I told her I wanted my eyebrows done, she smiled and said sit here, pointing to a black lounge chair. Keeping a portion of the string in her mouth and wrapping the ends around her fingers she instructed me to cover my eyelashes then proceeded to STRING me. Oh what the hell, I felt as if she were pulling my leg out through my forehead. My eyes started watering and all I could do was apologize for my outbursts. After completing the first brow her phone rang. Thank the lord, a reprieve. She was speaking to someone in her native language (which I do not speak) but I am sure she said, " Let me call you back after I get this cry baby ass out of my chair". So praying very hard I let her do the other and once again I apologized for my behavior. Finally after what seemed like forever she was done. Handing me a mirror she asked me how they looked. How she expected me to see through my tears is beyond me and she charged me $11.00. Eleven dollars to inflict the most heinous pain upon my body. I think the government needs to stop water boarding their prisoners and just string the suckers, I guarantee they will break them. As I was walking out of the store she said, "Have a nice day and please come again". Oh sure the next time I feel the need to punish myself I'll be back.
All in all I did accomplish somethings. Like my new black spring jacket, my new black top with a pair of summer thongs.
Sorry kids but I kinda like my over sized monochromatic wardrobe, but the shoes are cute!
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